Your message is clear and conveys the necessary information, but I would recommend a few adjustments for clarity and tone. Here’s a revised version:
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Subject: Request for Approval: Pass the Hat for Hedy Accatan
Hi Team,
I am writing to humbly request your approval for a "Pass the Hat" initiative for our associate, Hedy Accatan, following the tragic passing of her brother. He was severely injured in an incident that left him in a coma,