"When asked my name, I proudly declare 'Sparkles McFancyPants!'... Meanwhile, the pastor is furiously taking notes, wondering how he’ll trace the 'spiritual problems' of the unicorns in his congregation."
or
"Me: 'Call me Princess Glitter!'
Pastor: 'But how do I track your spiritual issues?'
Me: 'Let’s just say they’re under the rainbow, Pastor!'"