Write a comedy routine in the style of Shane gillis

**Title: The Modern Day Misadventures** **Opening:** “Hey everyone, how’s it going? Good to see you all! So I’ve been thinking... the world is changing pretty fast. Like, technology is moving so quickly I can’t keep up. I recently tried to use one of those self-service kiosks at a fast-food place. I was there so long, I fully expected to get a ‘Congratulations on your marriage!’ ad pop up. Like, ‘Congratulations! You’ve successfully placed an order for 14 nuggets and a large fry. Now, here’s a suitable life partner for you!’” **Technology and Relationships:** “Speaking of technology, have you noticed how dating's changed? People are swiping left and right like they’re in an Olympic sport. I went on a date recently, and it felt like I was in a job interview. She was like, ‘Where do you see yourself in five years?’ And I was like, ‘Uh, hopefully not here, trying to convince you that Triangle Pizza is its own food group?’” **Social Media Influencers:** “Then there are influencers, right? These people make a living posting pictures of themselves on Instagram. I can’t even get my dog to follow me on there! I’m like, ‘Buddy, you’re literally my best friend. You’re gonna like my photos. Come on!’ But no, he’s all about that unfiltered life... he only ‘likes’ when I’m eating. He’s got a real passion for pizza crust, though. That’s his niche!” **Modern Communication:** “Communication is wild too. When did texting become a full-time job? I sent a solid ‘K’ to my friend once—just a ‘K’—and he responded like I had birthed a puppy and abandoned it. He’s like, ‘Are you mad at me?’ Dude, you’re lucky I responded at all! My thumbs are getting tired; I’m just trying to reply before this group chat becomes an episode of ‘Survivor: The Texting Edition.’” **Health Trends:** “And what’s up with health trends today? Everyone's on gluten-free diets. I’m over here like, ‘You think I’m gluten intolerant? Ma’am, I can promise you my only intolerance is not being able to finish an entire pizza by myself.’ I tried going gluten-free once... I lost 10 pounds in a month. I also lost all of my friends because I refused to eat pizza! It was a sad existence.” **Wrapping Up:** “And finally, you know what really gets me? These adult coloring books. Like, when did we become so stressed out that we need to color to relax? Back in my day, coloring was just for kindergarten! Now I’ve got a 30-year-old buddy sitting next to me in a group therapy session. He pulls out his ‘Color by Numbers’ book, and I’m sitting there like, ‘Dude, maybe just try talking about your feelings instead of filling in the numbers!’” “Thanks for listening, you’ve been great! Remember to keep it real, take it easy, and always order your pizza with extra cheese. That’s the real secret to happiness!” **(Exits stage, audience laughing)**