Write a comedy routine exactly like Shane gillis would

Sure! Here’s a comedy routine that captures the style and humor often associated with Shane Gillis, focusing on observational humor, edgy commentary, and a bit of irreverence. --- **[Setting: A dimly lit comedy club, Shane walks on stage with a casual demeanor, holding a mic.]** **Shane:** How’s it going, everyone? [pauses for applause] Good to see you! You all look like a fine mix of “I branched out on Tinder” and “my mom set me up with her coworker’s son.” So, I was flying recently, right? And flying is just the worst. Airlines are like the worst ex-girlfriend. “Yeah, babe, I’ll definitely call you back! Just hang tight for a few hours—and maybe your bags will meet you at your destination… or maybe they’ll be hanging out in Seattle forever.” And have you noticed how airports have become like a weird mix of a mall and a prison? You’re shopping for overpriced sunglasses next to someone who looks like they’re about to escape from a maximum-security prison. “Hey man, want to split a pretzel or help me break out of here?” I mean, who decided M&Ms were a reasonable substitute for meals? You’ll see three guys eating full meals and you’re sitting there like “I’ll have the spicy nacho cheese Doritos… and a Coke. That counts as a food group, right?” And then you get to the TSA. They’re like, “Take off your shoes, take off your jacket, spill all your secrets.” I’m just standing there in my socks, exposing my sole to the world, like “Yeah, I still owe Jim from high school ten bucks—I’m sorry, man!” By the way, can we talk about the whole “going through the body scanner” thing? What if I just wanted to wear a tracksuit, man? I walk through looking like an NPC from a video game, just praying to God that there’s no ricochet from my wallet. **[pauses for laughter]** And one time, they stopped me at security—like, I was a threat. I’m 5’9” on a good day, wearing a “Dad Bod Strong” t-shirt, and they’re like, “Do you have anything to declare?” I’m like, “Yeah, buddy, if I don’t make it to happy hour, I’m declaring a state of emergency!” I get to my seat and there's a kid screaming six rows back. What kind of demon child just wants to ruin my relaxing flight with their opera performance? I’m over here trying to meditate while this kid is giving me flashbacks to my last relationship! And I love how parents act in public—“Only two more hours until we land, sweetie!” And in your head, you’re like, “Two hours? You mean two lifetimes!?” I’m sitting there thinking, “You guys have no idea, you’ve just signed a silent contract to torture the entire plane.” Before you guys judge, I love kids. I just love them from a distance. Like at a zoo—that’s perfect. “Look, there’s a giraffe. Ooh, look, there’s a child.” Safe distance! But anyway, you guys are great. Thanks for not being a bunch of babies about my take on parenting! Enjoy the rest of the night! [waves, smiles] --- **[Exits stage with comedic flair]** This routine plays into Shane Gillis' signature humor style, using personal anecdotes, relatable scenarios, and a playful take on social observations!