Rewrite the original mortal Kombat movie from 1994 into a comedy
**Mortal Kombat: The Comedy Tournament**
**Act 1: The Setup**
The film opens in an overly dramatic montage of classic martial arts moves, featuring stunning graphics interspersed with silly sound effects like "boing" and "whoosh." In the midst of a chaotic battle, we meet **Johnny Cage**, a washed-up action movie star whose real skill lies in his ability to trip over his own feet. He’s traveling to an ambiguous remote island for an audition.
Meanwhile, **Liu Kang** is seen fumbling his way through a terrible fortune cookie fortune that reads, “Your destiny lies in the hands of a giant lizard.” He mistakenly thinks it’s a metaphor about his grandmother and decides to confront his fears by going to the island to learn martial arts.
**Act 2: The Gathering of the Unlikely Heroes**
**Raiden**, the thunder god, appears with a thunderclap that accidentally launches a random thunderbolt into Liu’s head, causing him to believe he can communicate with inanimate objects. “[Plastic fork, what should I do next?]” he asks with intense seriousness, as the fork somehow rolls toward his food.
The island’s tournament is run by **Shao Kahn**, a villain obsessed with ancient memes. Gathered in a circle of hilariously bad fighters, we see **Sonya Blade**, who is not here to make friends; she’s just trying to find her lost cat, who is named "Whiskers."
What follows is a series of ridiculous introductions involving goofy nicknames:
- **Kano**: More interested in making bad puns than fighting, he keeps revealing ridiculous backstories about how he lost his eye while “surfing a noodle.”
- **Scorpion**: More concerned about redeeming himself as a failed stand-up comedian than actually scaring anyone, he delivers poorly timed one-liners. (“GET OVER HERE! … Just kidding, can I borrow a pencil?”)
**Act 3: Hilarious Fights**
The tournament's challenges are absurdly exaggerated. One match includes contestants trying to beat each other by dancing. Liu Kang attempts a "sick" breakdance but accidentally slips on a banana peel, sending him flying into a group photo of the previous champions—all of whom are oblivious to the antics going on.
In another fight between Scorpion and Johnny, Johnny accidentally sprays Scorpion with a fancy perfume (that he thought was a health potion). Confused, Scorpion spends the rest of the fight trying to figure out why he smells like roses while Johnny rotates through ever more ridiculous fighting poses.
**Act 4: The Climax**
The climax builds as all fighters are forced to participate in a "talent show" instead of a real final battle. Sounds of trumpets blare as the characters showcase their "skills." Liu recites a dramatic monologue about spaghetti, while Kano attempts a magic trick with handcuffs that ends with him stuck to a chair, much to everyone's confusion.
As the talent show devolves into chaos (thanks to Raiden accidentally miscasting a spell), everyone ends up engaged in slapstick-style combat involving lots of pies, confetti, and fake swords.
**Act 5: The Conclusion**
In the end, despite their epic failures in both fighting and performing, the fighters surprisingly bond over how ridiculous everything has been. They form a new team: the "Disastrous Defenders." They vow to protect Earth, not from evil forces, but from bad jokes and awkward performances.
As they leave the island, Johnny Cage poses for a quick photo to use for his next movie (titled “Mortal Clumsy”) while everyone else sneaks away to find Whiskers.
**Final Scene:**
The screen fades to black as we hear Raiden’s voiceover: “Remember, Earth warriors—it's not about winning or losing. It’s about not tripping over your own feet!” Cue the groan-inducing drumroll as credits roll over bloopers of the fighters misfiring their ultimate moves.
**The End.**